We’re going to try something a little different around here. Today, we’re sharing our very first guest post by Rory Green, Senior Development Officer – Major Gifts, British Columbia Institute of Technology (BCIT). If you recognize the last name, you’ll know that she’s part of the extended Good Works family.
I’ve always been a loud mouth. I love to talk. I’ve had the “gift of gab” since I can remember. It’s why people think I make a great fundraiser.
They are wrong. It is one of the biggest obstacles I have had to overcome in my professional career.
Why???
Because major gifts fundraising is about listening (and asking great questions). Anything my donor has to say, is more important than anything I have to say. My donor’s passion for the cause matters more than my own. Their experiences matter more than mine. Their stories are more powerful than mine. And trust me when I tell you, your donors won’t talk to you if you don’t listen.
We have all hear the proverb that we were born with two ears and one mouth. One of the hardest things for extroverted, social, chatty fundraisers to learn is to use their ears. I want you to all start becoming better listeners; Olympic listeners, super hero listeners. How??? Well it takes time and practice, but here are some steps to get you started:
- Ask more questions than you make statements. Instead of giving endless elevator pitches about your organization, try asking questions: When did you first decide to support our charity? When were you proudest to be a champion of this cause? What do you want the world to be like in 50 years? How can we get there together?
- Be present. Focus on what is being said, not what you want to say next. It’s almost like calming breaths in yoga. Turn off your internal voice, and focus on what your donor is saying. They are giving you something incredibly valuable to us as a fundraiser – knowledge about the donor.
- Watch their body language and look for a “spark”. I was once sitting with a donor who seemed quite bored to be talking to me. Somehow the subject of her daughter came up, and her whole demeanor changed. Her daughter was her spark, the flood gates had opened. Everyone has things they are passionate about and want to share with the world, pay attention so you don’t miss them.
- Don’t pretend to listen. Authenticity is a necessity in major gifts fundraising; all fundraising, really. You aren’t the actor you think you are, and it is obvious when you are faking it.
- Remind yourself who you are speaking to, and how you want them to feel. This is a donor you are talking to. They deserve to feel heard, respected and valued. You are lucky to have them share their time with you, and luckier still to have them share their words, thoughts and experiences.
These are skills you can practice all day, every day. Try listening to your co-workers, to your friends, to your spouse. It isn’t easy for me, and maybe it won’t be for you, but I promise in time it will get easier. You can become a better listener, and maybe, a better person.
Thanks for listening.
Rory
A note from Fraser: If you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid of deep donor relationships, we’d love to have you be a guest blogger too! Just write your post and email it to fraser at goodworksco dot ca – thanks!
A. YES! Right on, Rory with your points. I also like to use “refletive” listening – “Thank you for sharing that, what I’m hearing is X and Y are important to you? Did I get that right?” It gives a good chance to reinforce that you really are engaging and it can be a good lead in to ask about whether you might have permission to provide info in a future meeting about projects that fit with their values.
Thank you for reminding us again that us big mouthers need to grow bigger ears to be effective. It’s why I like the movement afoot via Daniel Pink around “ambiverts” being great at doing this stuff – balance is key.
B. Fraser…cheers on the Kool-Aid! The challenge is on…I’ll be spending some time thinking over a guest blog post!
Christina
@GPtekkie
Such a good point Christina. It is important to remember that listening is something ACTIVE, not passive. We need to be aware of our responsibilities as a listener.
Thank you for this! I also have the ‘gift of gab’ and am slowly learning how to overcome this obstacle. The worse part is dealing with the ‘silent bits’ – those quiet moments when your donor (or client, or co-worker) is putting their own thoughts together. Here’s to biting my tongue and waiting my turn!
Hi Melanie,
Great comment. I know exactly what you mean. It’s so important to let silence happen and allow your donor to think and respond to your questions – we need to resist the urge to finish their sentences or re-state the question. Best of luck!
Gift of gab or a great personality–that’s the thinking alright for a terrific fundraiser. Been accused of both – but they take the back seat – with a little work.
Hi Susan,
We’re lucky to work in a profession with so many fun and outgoing people, with amazing. personalities. More and more I am encountering major gifts donors who are quiet, introverted, thoughtful and I have had to work even harder to really listen.
One thing that has helped me learn to “take a back seat” is by accompanying my VP/DOD/CEO on donor calls. It gives me a chance to watch how they interact and listen, and reflect on my own abilities to listen and engage.